1. The Overachiever
You are determined to prove that you can
double your productivity working from home. You answer emails at 11pm and 7am, you schedule meetings to 9:30am, you can’t tell the difference between Saturday and Monday, and you block time on your calendar just to remind yourself to go to the bathroom. It’s impossible to find a slot for a meeting with
you - you are fully booked until July. You already got your new Macbook from IT shipped to your door, and set up a Pinterest-worthy work station, fully equipped with a vision board and a ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door.
2. The Work-Life Balance Guru
It’s 9:40pm and you’ve already completed a morning yoga routine, washed the dishes, went for a dip and now you’re going over your emails while drinking your morning smoothie. In 12pm sharp you will heat up your pre-prepped meal, and maybe today you will try that over-hyped Dalgona whipped coffee the internet won’t shut up about, before logging into your 1pm meeting. This time you won’t even ponder at the eternal existential question, “why oh why do people schedule meetings to 1pm?”, cause now that you’re not at the mercy of 10bis deliverers, you actually have time to chew your food).
3. The Social Type
Social distancing? Not in your book. You crave social interactions, even at the cost of forcing Zoom bonding activities on your team members or inventing unlikely concepts such as computer restart Zoom party. You send your office friends a recurring calendar invite for a 15 minutes coffee break every morning, which you then post to your Instagram story and tag all the attendees - who in turn, share it and mention you in theirs. You then remember that Instagram is dying and everyone’s on Tiktok now, so you post a video of your cat lip-syncing to an Ariana Grande song. After work, you would invite all the friends from the beginning of this paragraph to a Zoom happy hour where you declare your Dyson ‘Employee of the month’.
4. The Parenting Survivor
You are the main victim of coronavirus. You are exhausted from having to watch your parents’ grandchildren for them. You work as a full time teacher, parent, nanny and chef, in addition to having a full time day job. Two minutes into your Zoom meeting, kid #1 steals the remote from kid #2, kid #1 pulls kid #2’s hair, kid #2 spills the cold cup of coffee you never got to finish, and now your carpet
smells like coffee, your kids are screaming, and you just realized you are wearing an Elsa wig this entire time.
5. The Non Conformist
While all of humanity was busy self-improving, learning a new language, baking, renovating the house, and upgrading to a new version of themselves, you completely gave in to lockdown. You stopped working out all together, stopped shaving, you work in your pj's and you don’t even bother changing when you go on a meeting. Sometimes you would move from working in bed to working from the couch, just to mix things up. On the coffee table next to you are the bags of every snack you consumed in the past week while binge watching Netflix’ new series.
6. The Business-As-Usual Type
You get up every day at the same time you would if you were going to the office. You brush your hair, get dressed, you even wear a different set of clothes every day as if you have something to prove to someone (no one knows that it's only your upper body and that you're actually in sweat pants under the desk). You sync your coffee breaks with your work wife and you both order lunch from the same place. When on meetings, you make sure to use pictures of the Fiverr office as Zoom backgrounds, ‘cause as far as you’re concerned, that’s where meetings take place.
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